Have you ever been going through some self evaluation…late at night…and realizing you might actually be a fraud?
If so, then you are not alone. I don’t know what it is about late night (by late night I mean 8:30pm) after the chillrens have hit the hay and you sit in the quiet…thinking. The thoughts can snowball into a meltdown that seemingly can only be healed with Ben & Jerry’s, but alas! I am cutting back on sweets and therefore this meltdown is coming to the glowing screen. So you’re welcome.
By day, I am a decently confident woman, wife, and mother. I know who I am and where my desires for life are going. Then the stillness of evening strikes and the darkness whispers all the doubts of my mind into being. The figments of my mind lurking about reminding me of my failures and areas I used to excel in slowly dwindling away the longer I am without a “job.” Being a stay at home mom can become mind numbing to the point where it seems as if your brain could no longer hold any type of educated information. Children and conversations about butts and boogers have replaced all sorts of genius.
Listen, I know my nighttime brain that begins picking itself apart is not truth. I don’t typically delve too far into the pit of self evaluation if I am not going to get any true insight from it. I don’t sit in silence too often. Am I afraid of the whispers I hear in the silence?
My brain is buzzing with exhaustion and I have no witty remarks to end this evening. If you made it to the end of this post, then Huzzah! Now have a good and restful, Eclipsed Earth Evening.