Have you ever been going through some self evaluation…late at night…and realizing you might actually be a fraud?
If so, then you are not alone. I don’t know what it is about late night (by late night I mean 8:30pm) after the chillrens have hit the hay and you sit in the quiet…thinking. The thoughts can snowball into a meltdown that seemingly can only be healed with Ben & Jerry’s, but alas! I am cutting back on sweets and therefore this meltdown is coming to the glowing screen. So you’re welcome.
By day, I am a decently confident woman, wife, and mother. I know who I am and where my desires for life are going. Then the stillness of evening strikes and the darkness whispers all the doubts of my mind into being. The figments of my mind lurking about reminding me of my failures and areas I used to excel in slowly dwindling away the longer I am without a “job.” Being a stay at home mom can become mind numbing to the point where it seems as if your brain could no longer hold any type of educated information. Children and conversations about butts and boogers have replaced all sorts of genius.
Listen, I know my nighttime brain that begins picking itself apart is not truth. I don’t typically delve too far into the pit of self evaluation if I am not going to get any true insight from it. I don’t sit in silence too often. Am I afraid of the whispers I hear in the silence?
My brain is buzzing with exhaustion and I have no witty remarks to end this evening. If you made it to the end of this post, then Huzzah! Now have a good and restful, Eclipsed Earth Evening.
Listen. Any time I scroll through Instagram, Facebook, and especially Pinterest…I feel my insides melting.
I am a pretty confident person, in my body, my style and who I am in general. But man, going through those online outlets can be debilitating. Just to give you one example, the outfits. Sure, I enjoy looking cute and having decent hair but it is not happening. Maybe by Sunday morning I can wrangle a straightener through my hair and smudge some foundation on my face.
Most days that is not happening and don't even get me started on painted finger and toenails people! Jewelry? Who has the time. Belts? I'm sorry what are those…
Being a stay at home has aimed my wardrobe at comfort level. Working out the past three months and GAINING ten pounds has made wearing clothes even more fun. Sure it may be muscle but I still don't want to buy new clothes.
Then there are the backgrounds of these outfit portraits. What a laugh! Polished wood flooring, clean mirror, beautiful furniture in the background. I have a mirror, covered in fingerprints and dust. It is in my closet full of STUFF.
So getting down to business, I wanted to take a few shots of myself in my outfit today. And as you will see…I was photobombed.
So this real life. I currently have four different mirrors in my closet with a future purpose. Boxes of photos. Baskets of hats. Clothes on clothes. My toes are far from painted. Better yet, it was hot today so you can't see that I sweated in this outfit. Is sweated a word? Hhmmm
Lastly, my sisters enjoy pointing out when I am wearing "mom outfits." Uuuhh I am a mom and so are they? So I am not sure at what point in my motherhood that my outfits became mom outfits.
What is your favorite go to outfit? Am I crazy for thinking that what I see online is unrealistic? Is everyone only showing their best sides? I want to show all sides. Not just my best because quite frankly I have not found my best side yet.
Happy Hump Day!